Saturday, June 18, 2016


Went walking around the park last  night and I made an interesting observation.  Women are so competitive and catty in the most vulnerable situations.  During times when you shouldn't have to worry about your looks or how you measure up to those around you cause you're working on yourself.

For instance... I'm slowly making my way around the park for the first round, slowly getting into the groove. Trying to tune out the distractions. Didn't take me long to notice most of the people walking had a buddy.  No big deal.  But when we're passing each other in opposite directions and one looks at the other then smiles than looks back at me, or one says something to the other then they look at me and they start laughing.  Then there's the group that swoops up from behind you loud talking, not laughing but cackling. Like I shouldn't be able to hear your azz if my music is on 10.  It defeats the purpose and makes me think maybe you're doing the most.   And of course they feel the need to power pass you then 10 steps later they're going your same speed WTF?  

I know they don't like when people do that to them and they're driving.  How much more irritating on a walking trail.  Idiots!  And this might just be me but every now and then you'll have that one that feels the need to shake their hair in an animated fashion like they're getting paid for a shampoo commercial or something as if to say "Look at look at me...". I'm like "Wow!" "Really???". I'm trying to get my exercise on and I gotta deal with these wanna be Malibu barbies who are probably more into being seen then actually exercising... BEYOOOOTCH Please!!!  If all you have going for you is your hair, that's saying volumes right there.  Volumes...LOL.  I'm very much aware of the fact that in much short hair I still look good and get plenty of compliments.  Many of them from men.  

So BOOM!  WHAT?!?  😎

I'm so proud of myself.  I hadn't walked the park in months.  I walked a couple laps (each lap=3/4 of a mile=1500 steps on my #fitbit).  The reason I'm proud of myself actually has more to do with what I fight through to get it done than the actual exercise itself.  From the time I decide to exercise to the time I'm in the shower afterwards there's this tiring inner involuntary dialogue...a fight. And most of it ignited by that pesky little demon called fear.   "You have nothing to wear" "That don't look right on you" "It's too hot/cold". "There's got to be something else 'more important' you should be doing" "You look awkward" "Your thighs are rubbing together" "Look you almost fell and everybody saw you try to play it off" "Everybody else has a walking buddy...YOU DON'T!" "They're laughing at you cause you're by yourself" "You're the only 'Chocolate Drop' out here" "You probably stink" "Your body odor is gagging the people behind you...that's why they're smiling" "Look at  " knobby knees knocking into each other" "Big ole Amazon calves" "Dang you sweat like a runaway slave" "They can tell you have cellulite, look at the bumps and dips and mountains and valleys" "You need to get that hernia fixed, YOU LOOK PREGNANT!!!". Yada, yada, yada.

I literally have to tell myself to SHUT THE F#CK UP!!!  No one has to beat me up. I do a great job all by myself.

You've heard it said many times before...the struggle is real.  

As I begin to walk my feet are fighting me, fighting each other, fighting my shoes...fighting the pavement.  My feet are flat.  I have pancake feet with no arch whatsoever. Shoe shopping is always a joy!  So what happens is my body is constantly trying to compensate.  A constant battle for balance.

Picture a table with a short leg...yeah, that right there 😀. And actually one of my legs are a little longer than the other probably as a result of tension, bad posture and a sprinkle of genetics I remember getting a massage and being told I had a lot of scar tissue around my ankles and knees.  My body is constantly fighting for stability   so is my mind consequently:).  So if I'm not feeling an achy, inflammed discomfort as I'm walking or exercising, I definitely feel it later.  Especially if I don't stretch afterward.  As I'm walking I'm constantly noting every awkward step I make, every time I mess up my stride cause I lose balance.

And in the midst of all this ranting and raving...I have peace.  Because I do know what's really important and I'm grateful.  But honestly speaking I'm ready to be caught up in the air with the one Who gave his life for me.  But until then I will continue to be grateful because things could be different. Very different.


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